A thousand thankless days

All love ends in tragedy,
they say. And some never begins,
Like dawn without the day.

The light through yonder window breaks
- my heart, because the darkness in my soul
must start, each time I see you look upon my face.

And when you're near my eyes refuse to see
Looks of disdain,
or else distrust, that you bestow on me.

Although my heart does fly,
I am afraid - and so deny myself true joy,
No promenade for me tonight - I must be lone.

Your garden I avoid because
you're near; proximity to you increases fear,
that you should hate me more than yesterday.

I lock my heavy heart and hide the key -
Impossible to find; I make myself forget, I hardly feel
and do not mind.

Hideous in the eye of the rejector,
I've now become: the monster that you saw me as -
completely numb.

I kill the love and fill myself
with loathesome hate,
It slowly makes eternal pain abate.

It's like Fight Club - but they don't call him suicidal

You told me 'bout the ketchup bottle
And how my neck you sought to throttle
And how my arm you'd love to squeeze
And push me down onto my knees

Steal my words with your strong fist
Seal the mouth you often kissed
Pull my hair until I scream
Make me wish this was a dream

Tell me that I have no worth
And that you do regret my birth
You want to kill me (yes it's true)
And you won't stop until you do

I'm crying as you hold the knife
I know you want to end my life
But somehow I can't let it go
Still I need some time to grow

Please hate me less I need to see
What kind of person I can be
You always try and tear me down
And turn my smile into a frown

But I just want to feel so free
And get you far away from me
I don't want to see your face
I want you so far from this place

But you are me and I am you
I can't escape the things you do
I can't block out the words you say
That ring inside my head each day

I can't turn off the constant hate
And the abhorrence won't abate
Self-loathing, it is here to stay
So murder is the only way

I kill you so that I can live
This option is my gift to give
The freedom in this last resort
Is worth the life that I abort